Dharma, the world’s most toughest word to tell the exact meaning which changes drastically according to situation very much. The word is of Hindu origin and has a variety of meanings in different scenarios. It can be referred as duty in context of profession and what is right in context of Social life.
Being a brahmin and brought up in a very orthodox family, me too have several sins in my life which is common for every man in his life . some times I feel that what I was doing was correct w.r.t that time but later I regret for the same action of mine. This is a clear symptom of confusion . There are many such situations in my life. One of which, I consider as the most serious flaw I have done is elucidated here not just to ask any judgement of which is correct or not but to confess myself before the mighty stands of the truth and divinity.
I have a uncle’s daughter which was proposed by my uncle for my marriage. She is the daughter of second wife of my uncle. Her mother is from a non- Brahmin background. I dont know that she likes me a lot but I sensed it few times but she ever proposed me herself. One fine day may uncle has asked my father reg the proposal and my dad who considered this as plot of my uncle to get his daughter married to me. This is due to the fact that my uncle is financially less sound than us, She is his second wife’s daughter and they cannot get a better match than me despite their social and financial status. My dad warned me to be careful as they try to convince me to marry her. Except my mom everybody in our home including my brother were against her as she is of second class caste and my uncle is not so sound.
Despite all these my mom who is the own sister of my uncle had a very good impression of his daughter and told me to consider her as a viable option to marry. As I consider my mom as the highest priority in my life. I gave a thought to her words and started loving her. In fact I cannot say it as love but a kind o attraction towards her. One fine day she asked me to put a message offer as I did without informing my mom and I did it after I have put the offer. But surely I am informing my mom what am I doing before or after the action. Slowly she impressed me with her word and I started liking her but still I have a small dissatisfaction in my mind that I got something less than what I deserve. But that dissatisfaction disappeared few days later but used to recur regularly.
As few months passed one day We came physically closer to each other with each other’s consent. She did it of love but I did it of just to know how it feels as I am curious about the female body. But thats for the first time only, from the second time I slowly realized her love towards me and I was also enjoying it but every time we did this I felt so much guilt that I am cheating my parents who entrusted lot of confidence in me. Sooner I confessed this with my love and she also felt bad and eventually we stopped this.
I would be leaving to US for higher studies and I wanna gift my parents a pair of clothes as an offer to my gods. I took my love and my cousin brother in law and sister with me and shopped few clothes and I about to present them that night . I gifted my mom a silk saree and she liked but the moment I said that she came with me for shopping her face turned red and she rejected to accept. I guess her ego might have hurt as I didn’t inform her a prior and I took her with me for shopping. Adding fuel to fire my brother saw me with her in car where I went to shopping and he told that this is all preplanned and showed few message sin my messages which I saved in my mobile and my mom completely turned against her saying that she will not accept her as her daughter in law as we both crossed the limits of independence given to us. In a way I feel ts correct as I have done very bad thing with her and secondly I felt that when things are OK we should love and when its not we should not? what’s this. I dont wanna my mom to cry again because of me ad hence I told my dad that I will not talk to her even I go to US and my dad said the same to my uncle that this has crossed limits and lets drop this proposal.
On the other side, after I came to US she didn’t even message me for few days later she slowly started conversation in FB and I replied. She started calling once or twice in a month and we used to talk. But every time I remind her that we will marry only if parents agree and everything is fine only. This has hurt her many times but thats how it goes according to me as parents are utmost importance for me in my life. One day she told that she will not talk to me as I told that I feel guilt as I am cheating my parents by talking to her.From that day she is not talking to me and I feel this as correct. I am not able to assure her for marrying her as my parents need to agree that and I am unaware of what going on in their minds. So neither she nor me are in a comfort zone. Thus o one else can answer except time for these kind of complex issues. But one thing is for sure , that I will only marry her only if my parents agree and they are of paramount importance in my life.
The bottom line for this case study is that to marry her is the dharma or listening to parents words s the dharma. I am not able to decide about that as both of them seems correct for me. Latter one is more weaker as I need to follow everything if parents are my importance . I followed them 90% but not 100%. Thus creating a void in my mind about that. I can tell my parents about the pros and cons of marrying her but cannot influence their decision. I am not completely ready to accept her as my wife as I told that I have very small dissatisfaction of getting less than what I deserve in my life. lets see what happens…….
to be continued……..